In the first post we introduced Dr. Gabor Maté, who came to Port Hardy on November 15 to speak about "Healing Addictions with Compassion". In posts 2-3 we looked at what causes addictions, and how we can heal them. In this post, the final one in the series, we will look at childhood abuse, it's effects and how to heal from it.
Although Dr. Maté spoke mainly on the topic of addictions, he also spoke about childhood, and how our experiences in childhood can set us up for a lifetime of addictions, disease, stress, etc.
Dr. Maté said that First Nations had an excellent system of parenting in the old days. There was a whole village that helped raise the children and looked out for each other. Children were packed around all the time and treated with love, not hit or abused. First Nations know how to be good parents, it's in our traditional ways.
So, why do we have so many struggles with good parenting? Why are our children suffering?Again, it all comes back to the brain. During the first three years of life the brain develops 80% of it's overall capacity! For a brain to develop properly, the baby needs a loving, stress-free environment. Even 10 minutes of stress each week for the pregnant mother can lead to addictions, ADD or behavioural issues. Almost a third of deliveries in BC are by C-section, which is a lot of stress and separation right from the moment of birth.
Dr. Maté talked about the term ACE: Adverse Childhood Experiences. This means bad events during childhood, such as abuse, going through a divorce, getting bullied or injured, etc. Studies were done that show that if you experience 6 or more ACEs, you are 46 times more likely to be an addict! Studies have also shown that if you're abused as a child, your rate for cancer is 50% higher than those that weren't abused. Even for children that aren't abused, they can still suffer if their parents themselves are stressed out and not able to be a strong emotional support for their children.
When children experience stress, first they are anxious, then depressed, then they detach. Once they've detached, they have a really hard time re-attaching. So, if a parent is constantly leaving, eventually the child will detach from that parent, who will have a really hard time rebuilding a relationship with that child. Also, that child will grow up to have a hard time trusting other people and forming healthy relationships. When children accept hurt, their brains stop developing. The brain protects the child by blocking out emotions. This makes the brain immature. You can see this immaturity in kids with behaviour problems, or adult addicts with anger problems.
For someone who has experienced abuse, Dr. Maté says that the best way to help them heal is for that abuse to be confronted openly. The abuser must stand up and say "yeah, I did that. I did it out of compassion for myself" (because the abuser themselves have problems that cause them to abuse others). This must happen in an environment that's safe, respectful, free of shame or blame for the abused or the abuser. The Truth & Reconciliation Commission is a good example of a process which is trying to get people who have been abused to publicly acknowledge their abuse in a safe atmosphere.
A couple of quotes that Dr. Mate shared were:
"You don't need a lot of skills, you just need humanity" [to help people heal]
"All problems are psychological, but all solutions are spiritual."
Here is a quick recap of the main points in this series of posts:
- Addiction isn't a choice or a disease. It's peoples' way of trying to feel good, when bad experiences in childhood have made them feel bad.
- The best way to help prevent addiction (and lots of other bad things) is to make sure that babies and children have caregivers who are reliable and emotionally there for the child.
- Even small amounts of stress as a baby or child can make people more likely to get sick or become an addict.
- The best way to help heal addicts is to develop strong, trusting, unconditional relationships, and mirror back to that person what a good person they really are.
- In order to be the best possible 'mirror', you must take care of your own problems and childhood trauma.
A huge thank-you to Dr. Maté and the Vancouver Island Health Authority's Addiction Services for providing all of this information and organizing the event.
- By Jessie Hemphill, Gwa'sala-'Nakwaxda'xw Communications Officer
jessieh@gwanakplan.org
